


In Dreams, I Wish

by MagicRobot



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Time Travel, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 11:15:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12034749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicRobot/pseuds/MagicRobot
Summary: Magnus takes the chalice. Taako and Merle, with the help of Lucas, track him down to bring him home.





	In Dreams, I Wish

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this primarily to play with some ideas I like about paradoxes and time travel, which can be very confusing. I really hope I made it clear enough!

“We can fix this,” says Lucas, with all the conviction of someone with more hope than any belief in his words. He steps into his Upsy machine, now tailored for the specifics of this mission: bring Magnus home. 

Taako looks at the ground, stubbornly avoiding Lucas’ enthusiasm. The grass is starting to gray already, spreading to the tips of his boots, and creeping up his stockings. He doesn't really notice. “Are you absolutely sure this is going to work?”

He's asked the question before, countless times since Merle and him had stepped in Lucas’ lab that first day. Then, it had been whispered, like a reverent prayer; here Taako is tired, layered with a thick salve of self-preservation. He doesn’t need Lucas’ scientific observations to know what they were doing was risky, the ramifications were unprecedented. It is a fool’s errand - it would be best to let the sudden change of events take its course. But Taako is also selfish, and he's filled with the driving force to see his family whole again.

Lucas, above anyone else, understands this. He pops his head outside of Upsy’s door, a soothing smile on his face. Taako spots it, wrinkling his nose in distaste. He's convinced himself he doesn't like sympathy, and he's not too fond of Lucas as a person. But he craves reassurance and Lucas is such a convenient source. 

“Of course,” he says, cheekily, “I'm the foremost expert on alternative realities, after all.” He disappears back into Upsy, leaving Taako with a sense of amusement at Lucas’ bravado. It soothes him all the same. 

Merle is leaning up against his leg in a moment of tactile support that Taako rarely lets him indulge in. He's relaxed and calm, next to Taako’s tightly coiled frame. Taako finds himself unconsciously leaning into Merle’s warmth. They both hold the look of the mournful.

“Well, ok, if you say so,” says Merle, his usual mirth leaking into his voice. It sounds unnatural right now, with the funeral pyre the three of them have made of Upsy and the swirling blackness, that looks as if it will swoop in any second, looming above them. That is the nature of Merle, however, and it's something that Taako clings to. “But can we hurry along with the hurrying, I'm starting to lose feeling in my legs.”

Taako feels it too, has been feeling it since Refuge. A hollowness has settled into his bones, his skin is beginning to look sullen. He feels the life being pulled from his very essence. The world around him is falling apart. He's coming along with it. “Yeah what he said.” His voice is distant, with only the slightest cracking at the edges. He feels Merle’s eyes on him. The feeling slides away once Lucas reappears.

“Ok, ok, just give me a few.” Lucas tinkers with the sides of Upsy. There are a few modifications from the last time they've seen it. It's larger for one, looking more like a spaceship than an elevator. Taako still hates the thing, but that thought sends a wave of nostalgia through him that he doesn't quite understand. He still hovers a comfortable distance away until Lucas finishes.

“There! Now, as long as we’re quick enough to grab Magnus before our reality disappears, we should be fine.” Lucas worriedly looks up at the sky, but he is grinning, grease smudges on his fingers, transporting to his lab coat where his hands clutch his hips. His words remind Taako that they are living on borrowed time. For now, they exist in a world that is moving forward, but is perpetually fading. A place of time without reality.

When they're beckoned inside, it's barren and cramped, the only notable objects being three seats and a colorful looking control panel. An array of different jewels decorate its surface, creating a kaleidoscope of color that glows in the dim lighting of the cabin. It is beautiful, instantly catching Taako’s attention. A part of him begins calculating the expense of each one, but his wandering hands stick close to his sides when he remembers Lucas’ words about alternative realities. Even now, he can see glimpses into other worlds if he stares long enough at one. 

Lucas hurries past them. “Alright, strap yourselves in.” He begins fiddling with the jewels in different ways, making the colors bend and combine. Taako trails after him slowly, Merle still glued to his side. 

He barely manages to click his belt into place before his world explodes in a sea of colors.

\--

The trip is long. Existing as living paradoxes makes it difficult to find the proper reality. Lucas manipulates the gems into intricate patterns, sometimes making shapes, and other times seeming to place them randomly. He's mumbling to himself the whole time, little phrases that mean nothing to Taako. 

Lucas’ words drift in his mind, from those weeks ago where they were in Lucas’ lab, desperate and afraid. “It’s all about feeling,” he had said, “there is no scientific way to predict we are in the right reality. Time is fickle that way, but we’ll know.” 

Taako can vividly remember Lucas’ annoyance when he told him that. Lucas was all about predictions, calculations, things that could be measurable with a sharp mind. To rely on something as archaic as feeling was unnatural to him. He visibly recoiled at the very idea. But he owed them a favor, which was initially the only reason why Lucas had agreed. When he realized his very life was in the balance, he became highly motivated. 

So Taako sits and watches Lucas hunch over the panel, rocking his body back and forth as he thinks. Merle clutches his hand next to him, moaning incoherently. The feeling inside Upsy is oppressive, like the walls are closing in on them. There's the sensation that their guts and their heads have been switched. It's disorienting and nauseating and Taako nearly heaves.

The ordeal doesn't seem to affect Lucas, who's too busy fumbling around with his gems. Taako’s just on the cusp of snapping at him when a loud exclamation of triumph comes from the console. His glasses are skewed as he turns to them and Lucas is grinning ear to ear. He looks manic in the rainbow array. Taako would be afraid of him if he didn't know who he was.

Then, Taako feels it. A pulling sensation that starts in the pit of his stomach, trailing up into the rest of his body. He feels as if he's being pulled taut, like a living bow. Someone doesn't want them here. He knows who and he prays that she will be merciful. 

“We’re here.”

\--

_ “This is just a theory, mind you,” Lucas had said. He was puttering around his lab, grabbing beakers and measures. “But whenever someone makes a decision, even a minor one, a whole bunch of entirely different realities are created, each one a possible scenario that could have happened.” _

_ Taako could not bring himself to speak. He was aching in more ways than one, so he simply nodded. Merle still looked confused, but Lucas continued before he could comment. _

_ “See, if what you said is true, then Magnus made the ultimate decision of a lifetime, creating a different reality based on what he wanted to change. However, in doing so, he made our current reality into a paradox.” Lucas laid his materials down at his workbench, scrutinizing them closely. _

_ “So what does this mean?” said Merle. _

_ “It means that we have to cease to exist in order for his reality to solidify. Right now, he probably still remembers everything from this timeline, but that won't last for long. Once the timestreams balance out, it'll be like we never existed at all.” Lucas busied himself mixing goopy material in his beaker. He swirled it into a bright neon color that hurt to look at. Satisfied, he set the beaker aside and looked both of them in the eye. “But that's only a theory.” His words were said with the cadence of someone holding a casual conversation, as if not holding the fate of the world in their hands. _

_ Taako felt his lungs constrict on themselves. The simple act of standing was starting to feel like a chore, like he had been running for days. His body was slowly falling apart, yet Lucas looked unfazed. Perhaps time had not caught up to the rest of the world yet. It angered him. He gulped through his pain to hiss, “You're going to help us. You owe us.” _

_ Lucas pursed his lips in a dissatisfied manner. He stood, walking until he stood in front of Taako. “Only because I owe you. But I make no guarantees. I might be the foremost expert on these sorts of things, but this is tricky business. It's going to take time. Time that we might not have.” _

_ “Then let’s start now.” _

_ \-- _

The sun is shining, casting huge rays across the open field that they have landed in. The world is bright and colorful and beautiful in a way that Taako hasn't seen in awhile, even before Magnus disappeared. It's warm, deceptively pleasant, picturesque. He takes a minute to breath in the fragrance of spring. It makes him hesitate. 

He feels Lucas at his shoulder, staring off into the endless fields of flowers before them. They remind him a little bit of the gems, except much more exquisite in their splendor. It's peaceful for a moment, the two of them taking stock of their situation. Taako quickly gets used to the uncomfortable feeling pulling at him. It feels much less like a pushback and more like a gentle warning now.

Then, he hears Lucas swear. Taako watches him from the corner of his eye. He's gazing at his hands that clutch their map tightly between them. He holds them out for show, and Taako obliges him casually, lazily craning his head down. They have just started to turn gossamer, his pale skin turning almost ghostly in the light. Taako doesn't react. He can't feel his fingers.

Lucas falls into a stupor, clutching his hands in the light. Gulping, he steadies himself. “Alright let's get this show on the road,” Lucas mumbles to himself. His words are shaky. A manic energy is beginning to take hold of him, twinkling in his eyes. He’s twitchy, his whole body trembling as if he's coming out of shock. He fumbles with the map until Merle snatches it from him, chastising him for nearly ripping it.

Shaking his head to calm himself, Lucas sighs. “Ok, one rule while we're here. There will be a version of yourself that exists in this universe. We may or may not run into them, but if we do, don't interact with them. Don't talk to them, don't make eye contact with them, just get the hell away from them as quickly as possible.” He makes big sweeping gestures while he talks, nearly swatting Taako a few times. “If they know who you are, it could create an even bigger paradox and we’d instantly disappear.” Lucas paces in front of them, waving his hands in an erratic fashion. He's all wound up again, his hair sticking up in all directions, like the waving arms of an octopus. His emotions are wild, like he can't pin down one feeling. Taako would sympathize if wasn't the most ridiculous thing he’s ever seen.

“Sure, whatever.” 

Lucas stops his pacing, staring at Taako. He takes a deep breath. “This is...incredible. Do you realize what we've done? I was just bullshitting most of the time back there, I never really thought this was going to work.” He rubs the back of his neck, moving up into his hair. He manages to steady his hands enough to comb it into a presentable state. Straightening himself, he coughs and gestures toward Taako and Merle.

“Well, he was your friend. Where should we look first?”

Merle squints at the map, making non-verbal grunting sounds. He doesn't have a clue, but Taako doesn't need a map to know.

\--

_ They're laying side by side, as close to the fire as they could manage. It was cold out tonight, but the effort was less about seeking the slowly receding warmth from the dying embers and more about anchoring themselves to a beacon. They've been quiet for most of the night, pretending to stargaze, even if the stars were remarkably beautiful this night. The air between them was heady, tense like the beginning of a conversation that's reluctant to start. _

_ Magnus, true to his nature, was the first to bite the bullet. “Thanks for that. Didn't realize how loud I was being.” His voice still managed to sound bashful through the harsh quality it had taken on from his earlier night terror. _

_ Taako made a noncommittal noise. He was the perfect picture of relaxed, his arms behind his head, his eyes closed as if he were dozing. He cracked an eye open at Magnus’ quiet words, squinting at him in the low light. “No problemo, compadre.” _

_ They're silent again. In the resulting minutes, compassion gnawed at Taako while he struggled not to fall into meditation. “Do you want to talk about it?” _

_ Magnus’ shoulder brushed against his in a shrug. “Nah.” He paused. “Maybe some day.” _   
  


\--

The long trip to Raven’s Roost gives Taako plenty of time to think. He sorts through his emotions, taking stock of his current situation. He knows he's not angry at Magnus; he's hurt, but he could never be angry. He himself was also tempted by the Chalice, knew how potent its siren’s song was. If fate had other plans for them, their situations might have been different. But these were the cards that Istus decided to deal them.

A memory dances at the edge of Taako’s mind. One where Magnus had quietly admitted to him that if given the opportunity, he would go back. All for Julia. Taako isn't surprised, nor jealous, just filled with the wishful thinking of ‘what should haves’ and ‘what could have beens.’

He doesn't know what he's going to say to Magnus when they find him. Or if Magnus will even want to listen to him. He's filled with trepidation the whole time. Presenting his case will be tricky. Magnus has everything he's been craving for the past few years. What could Taako give him? 

He knows that he will die if Magnus doesn't agree. He hopes that will be enough to sway him.

\--

The first person they meet is a pretty brown haired woman, tall and broad, with the face of an angel. She's mythological. Taako knows exactly who she is even before Lucas introduces himself to her.

“Excuse me, miss?”

She turns. She's radiant, her teeth pearl white as she grins. Taako feels dull next to her. It's a strange, dissociative, feeling, seeing her in the flesh. He's heard so little about her, yet he feels that he knows everything he needs to know. She is not meant to be here, she is made of past tense, yet Taako is seeing her: living and breathing. “Yes?”

“You wouldn't happen to know anyone named Magnus Burnsides, right?” If Taako didn't know any better, he would think that Lucas is playing coy. Lucas doesn't know her, though, and so his conversation is innocent. A traveler, simply looking for a lost soul. 

Julia laughs. It's a lovely sound. “That's my husband.”

Taako can feel Merle’s cautious eyes on his back. What he is hoping to find, Taako isn't sure. He pointedly ignores him. He says, “Oh, that's convenient, we’re looking for him.” He's as cordial as he is with any other while on a mission. Merle’s eyes slide away from him. 

“Yeah,” Merle says, slowly, “you wouldn't happen to know where his is right now?” 

“Last I saw him, he was at the pub.” Julia shrugs, pointing to a small building at the end of the road. “The only man I know who can spend all day in a bar and not drink a drop of liquor.” The second part is said with a soft fondness that bleeds through in every word. 

Taako smiles, cheery and sharp-toothed. “Thank you.”

\--

They make an odd group in the small pub: a smudgy scientist, a dwarf with a wooden arm, and a very cranky looking elf. They're clearly outsiders, but no one bats an eye in their direction. One man, clearly drunk and merry, waves at them. 

Merle waves back, enthusiastically. “I like this place.” He groans, clutching his wrist when he finishes with the motion. 

Taako hums noncommittally.

Lucas scoffs. “Don't go making friends with the locals. Remember what we’re here for.” Lucas grabs at his grubby lab coat in a nervous manner, his eyes darting around the bar. It's surprisingly packed; when they had left it was a Wednesday. Taako wonders, briefly, if maybe they were in Upsy far longer than he had thought, but his bones don't ache any more than what they have been. Regardless, it looks like the entire town of Raven’s Roost is packed into the place, all merry and drunk and lively. It makes Taako feel slightly guilty. 

Loud, raucous laughter filters through the cacophony, drawing from somewhere in the back. Taako’s ears perk up, knowing that laugh anywhere. Even Merle turns toward the noise, starting forward. Lucas looks at them both, then follows Merle’s lead. Taako trails after them lazily, his arms crossed tightly against his chest. They push through the throng of people, their parting revealing the very man they are looking for, at the far back wall.

Magnus Burnsides has a gaggle around him, each with a large jug of lager clutched in their hands. Magnus’ hands are empty, which he takes great advantage of, twisting and flapping his hands while he talks. It's endearing. Magnus might not be fond of alcohol, but he loves entertaining.

“Excuse me!” Lucas yells over the crowd. He’s just loud enough to be heard over the din. Magnus looks over and squints at him, confused. Then he sees Taako and Merle, with their stern looks and visibly pales.

“I'd like a word with you.”

Magnus coughs. The crowd around them disperses as Magnus quietly excuses himself. He takes Lucas by the shoulder, smiling awkwardly at his other two companions. “Not here. Too loud.” He laughs again, clapping Lucas on the back. “Follow me.”

He turns toward a set of stairs that were hidden until just that moment. The crowd is beginning to thin a little now that their honored guest is no longer there. He climbs the stairs steadily, keeping his head straight until they reach the top. He doesn't say another word until they're in a spartan looking bedroom toward the left. 

“How did you guys even find me?”

“Lucky guess,” says Taako. “And some help from Lucas.”

Lucas bristles, visibly swallowing his need to defend his pride. Despite this, he can't resist a mumbled, “That's putting it mildly.”

“You need to come with us,” says Merle. His eyes are imploring, looking every bit the father figure that he often forgets to be. “Please. This isn't right, and you know it.”

“No, I don't, actually.” Magnus is being petulant.

“Magnus,” Lucas sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose like a tired parent. “Ok, look. Things happen for a reason. There’s no telling how what you did will affect the rest of the world! You could have paved the way for some evil wizard to take over the world or something.”

Magnus rubs the back of his neck. He's cowed for now and reaches for a nearby chair to sit in. He closes his eyes for a moment to gather himself. “Listen, I know this looks bad. But I can't go back.” Silence. “I don't care what happens to the rest of the world.”

“If you stay here, our reality is going to crumble. Even now, an anomaly has appeared, which can most likely be fixed if you come with us right now,” Lucas implores.

Magnus shakes his head. 

“You're being selfish,” says Merle, calmly. They're both making up excuses, beating around their underlying motivations. 

“I know.” Magnus rubs his face, deflating slowly. Leaning forward in the chair, he rests his elbows on his knees. “I know and I'm sorry, but I can't. You guys wouldn't understand.” His eyes meet Taako’s for a moment. Taako crooks an eyebrow. Magnus balefully looks away. “Just...please.”

“We’re going to die, Magnus.” Taako’s voice is steady, nearly emotionless. “If you stay here, we won't exist anymore. You won't remember anything that's happened.”

They lock eyes until Magnus is forced to look away. He chews the bottom of his lip, looking down at the grubby floor. He trembles slightly, but his voice is stern. “I'm sorry.”

\--

Lucas spends the next week pleading with Magnus. He comes back each day, more defeated, more tired. On the third day, he stumbles into Upsy like a mad man, crying. He doesn't want to die. No one does. Taako thinks he's acting erratic.

On the fourth day, Merle goes with him. He tries to coax Taako to come with, but he's grown lethargic, choosing to spend his last days wasting away in Upsy than fruitlessly arguing with a man who finally has everything he's ever wanted. “What's the point? I don't care anymore,” he says and Merle gives him a sad look before leaving.

By the end of the week, Lucas has given up his fool’s errand. All three of them are like spectres, barely hanging on to their corporeal forms, only visible to those that are truly looking. The pain has lessened, but it is unclear whether they have gotten used to it or if it truly was fading. Or, perhaps, they had simply lost the ability to feel anything at all.

Taako certainly feels that way.

With that in mind, he gathers the remains of his energy to go back to the Raven’s Roost pub on the seventh day. He feels drawn to it in his final hours. The place is foreboding; gone is the friendly atmosphere and jovial customers, replaced by an oppressive darkness that threatens to swallow Taako whole. It's nearly empty, save for a haggard looking bartender and a lone figure hunched at a back table. The figure is familiar, of course, and Taako is drawn to it as if he was a fish trapped on a hook. 

He sits across from Magnus, sliding into the chair with fluid grace. Magnus has a tall glass of lager in front of him. He seems surprised when he notices Taako there, but it’s quickly swallowed by some yet unknown pain. 

Magnus takes a deep breath. “Nice to see you again.” He doesn't expect a response, so he presses on.

“I met your double today.” Magnus winces, taking a swing of his lager, “is that the right term? This is all so confusing.” He laughs to himself, downing the rest of his drink. He coughs, blanching at the sour taste. 

Taako nods. He's lost the ability the speak.

Magnus licks his lips. Months ago, Taako might have greedily followed the swipe of that tongue, but now he sits stiffly. “June told me that might happen. Wasn't really expecting it, honestly.” He laughs hollowly. It's a haunting sound, sending shivers down what remained of Taako’s spine.

“All I did was go to the next town to get some supplies. Simple task, right? And there you were. You looked awful.” Magnus crooks a grin. He runs his fingers along the edges of the glass. “You looked like you hadn't eaten in weeks, your clothing was a wreck. You were sleeping in a gutter!” He shakes his head.

“I thought I was daydreaming at first. And when I called your name, you looked at me with such loathing I thought you might cast magic missile at me just to get me the hell away.” He laughs again. There’s pregnant silence between them, in which Magnus’ eyes bore holes into the surface of the table.

Magnus closes his eyes, breathing haggardly. Then, he leans forward, placing his elbows on the table to cradle his forehead. “I know you don't like to talk about your past, but...is this what life would have been like for you if we never met? If we never answered the same Craig’s list ad? If we never went to the Bureau of Balance? Makes me wonder what happened to Merle, too, you know. Is everyone else just miserable now? Because of something that I did? 

“I told Lucas I don't care about the rest of the world, but I do. I do and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry, it's probably too late now.” Magnus is crying now. “My one dream was to have Julia back in my arms again, to see Raven’s Roost alive again. I've always felt guilty about what happened. And when I was given the opportunity to fix my mistake, I took it. I took it, and it was great for a while.” He taps the edge of his glass, breathing heavily. 

“You know, you’re the only one I've ever told about what happened. I trust you, love you, even. And I honor this by completely destroying you in more ways than one.” Magnus is openly weeping. Taako feels himself fading more and more. 

Magnus is not a man of many words, but he pours his heart out in that bar. It does little to help and the last thing Taako hears before he disappears is an echoing, “I'm sorry.”


End file.
